Can I Have Your Attention Please!

Everyone, eyes front please! Down in front, sitting Indian..errr Native American style so everyone can fit. The wife and I have some big big big big big news! No, Sarah isn't pregnant.. but its awfully close. We've decided to adopt!!! Long story short, the home brew method wasn't working, so we're going shopping now.

We've been thinking and talking about this for quite a while. Before we even got married, we had decided that this was something we wanted to do eventually. Mother Nature has just sped up the process for us. So we're still at the beginning of the process, where we're submitting our application to the agency we've selected this week. We've decided to go the domestic route, as you get a better family medical history and we want a newborn, which is tough to get from an international adoption. From here, we have a four or so week period where they do a couple of home visits and the requisite back ground checks on both Sarah and I.

Basically we need to put together a profile for the birth mothers to view. Essentially it consists of a blurb about each of us and about us together, along with info on the families we come from. We also include some pictures of us, doing activities we enjoy or places we love (i.e. us at Acadia National Park or hanging out with friends).

We also get to fill in certain criteria that we want the birth mother to fulfill. Meaning, we can pick the ethnicity (which we're not doing. We don't care about color or sex or anything like that, just want a healthy baby), or we can exclude a woman with a family history of mental illness or anything along those lines. The selection process is pretty in depth so that you can be as specific or as vague as you want. Sarah and I are going to be specific on certain things (certain issues with the family or the mother while pregnant) but as far as most adoptive parents go, we've been told we're on the less picky side. Like I said, healthy is the biggest thing with us.

Next, the birth mother literally flips thru a binder/internet at prospective parents and picks them. After we've been selected we can then decide if we want to go forward or pass. The agency we're going with told us that after the initial four week period, the average time to wait is about six months. We have a couple advantages in that we're both educated, have good jobs, we're very young (comparatively, most adoptive parents are close to 10 years older than us), we're exceptionally good looking, and come from very stable families.

We get picked sometime around the seventh month of pregnancy, so we don't have a whole lot of time to get our stuff together after that. When our birth mother goes into labor we get a phone call telling us and we drive/hop on a plane to wherever she is. We then pick the baby up from the hospital and have to stay in that state for 'X' amount of time (it differs from state to state, but it'll be 4-7 days most likely) It takes time for all the paperwork, etc to go through.

They say 50% of adoptions fall thru, mostly because the mother gives birth then changes her mind, which is very understandable.

Now each state is different. An adoption can not be finalized until after the mom gives birth, and depending on the state, she has between 1 and 3 days to reneg on the agreement. Meaning, we could be in a hotel room waiting for the legal paperwork to go thru, with the baby, and we could get a call saying the mom changed her mind. It doesn't happen often, but it can happen. And before the adoption is finalized, we'll also need to come to an agreement with the birth mother regarding future correspondence (if she even wants any) Most likely, we'll be open to a yearly letter with pictures to her, that goes thru the adoption agency (so she won't know our last names/address). But like I said, it's a mutual agreement between us and her.

Now here's where we enlist your help. Adoption through an agency can get very expensive. Private adoption is much much cheaper. So basically I'm asking you this… if you know anyone out here, a friend of a friend of a friend's daughter or whatever, who is pregnant but doesn't want to keep the child, feel free to pass along our story (no last names please). I know it's highly unlikely, but its worth a shot.

Also, as you can tell since I'm posting this on a little thing called the World Wide Web, not the J Web, this is not a secret. They say you're supposed to tell anyone and everyone (especially priests/ministers/rabbi's whomever) about it because you never know if a private adoption will work out. I know finding out about this news via our website isn't the best, but our families are just so big and there are just too many people to tell in person, so I'm sorry about that :)

I probably forgot to say something here, so feel free to ask any questions if you have any. The wife and I are more than willing to answer them. Also, our parents know most of the answers too, so you can ask them if you don't want to ask us.

Occasionally, I'll post updates, but we really don't anticipate any for the next four or so weeks. But when we know what's going on, you'll know.

Being a parent is something I've always wanted. I learned from the best so I figure I'll be pretty darn good at it too. So this will cost us a little more than the natural way, but to us it's 100% worth it, and we're just so excited! This tiny little baby will need a good and loving home and we think we have the perfect place for it. Heck, we have three extra bedrooms, we might as well fill them right!