Party and Parenting

Friday night we drove down to Boston for my brother's engagement party. Had a really great time, got to hang out with both my brothers which is one of my favorite past times. It's funny though, I think of myself as a pretty humorous guy, although I know a lot you probably don't. But I'll tell you, my brothers and my father are hilarious. They have a knack for telling a story that'll turn the most mundane thing into something that barely touches reality... great stuff.. My brother got really lucky too, his fiance is just a wonderful girl. Boy better not screw it up...

Saturday we had our adoption parenting class. Wow... Going in, I thought it was going to be about parenting in general, but I was completely wrong. The class was all about what it takes to raise an adopted child. Now on the surface, you might think that it's not all that different from a biological child, right? Well yes and no. Kids are kids are kids; you do your darnedest to raise them the best that you can and hope for the best. But with an adopted child, there's a whole slew of additional issues.

From the beginning, our plan is to be very upfront with future baby. We have no intention of hiding the fact that he is adopted. This is what all the "experts" say is the best thing to do, and both Sarah and I agree. But just because they know that they're adopted doesn't mean it's any easier. As the child gets older and more cognizant of their surroundings and of their place in the world (where they're going, where they've been, etc), the issues of "why didn't my biological mom want me?" and things like that can be very difficult to deal with...and as parents, its obviously our role to help them deal with these issues.

There are a lot of new rules around the verbiage of adoption too. For instance, it used to be that a parent "gave up" their child for adoption. Nope, not anymore. Now it's the parent(s) "had an adoption plan". You might think it's a little too politically correct, but you have to remember how incredibly emotional the whole situation is for everyone involved. Think about it, us getting a baby, happy times to the extreme. The fact that some girl has to deal with an unwanted/planned pregnancy for 9 months, not happy times. The class highlighted many issues like this and we also discussed transracial adoption. Surprisingly enough, the wife and I along with one other couple were the only ones open to it. It'll add more issues as the child gets older (not with us or our family, but with the outside world), but to us, a baby is a baby no matter what color or where they're from or whatever and I think we're pretty well prepared to deal with the potential issues. Sure some people might give you a funny look in the grocery store, but to be honest I couldn't care less. That child is a Morrissey the second he's put into our arms. If anyone has any issues with that eff 'em! :)

I've never understood when someone says that they're "emotional drained". That's not something I've ever felt before I guess. But this class was heavy.. ninety percent of the issues discussed, Sarah and I had already talked about with each other (which helps enormously) but for those other things we hadn't though of, its just one more thing to ponder and to some extent, let it weigh on us. All you biologicals out there have it easy! You just have to worry about feeding, and changing and all that stuff... you don't have half the issues we'll have! So for the first time in my life, I was just emotionally spent after the class. The wife and I talked for the first half hour or so of the ride home (we were in Portsmouth, NH for the class) then rode the rest of the way in virtual silence. We were both just so exhausted from the whole thing that we really couldn't muster up the energy to discuss what we just learned.

Overall, I'm really glad they made us take the class. It just makes everything that much more real, and helped put a lot of things into perspective. I learned that thanks to the insane researching abilities of my lovely wife, she and I are ahead of the curve. We seemed to have more knowledge on the entire process than some of the other people. Going into the class, you all know how excited I was about adopting and the whole process. And thankfully, the class did nothing but raise that excitement up a couple of notches. Realizing that there are so many resources out there to help, and that we have one less major issue to deal with than a lot of other people (family/friend support. you'd be surprised to find out how many people out there still think of it as taboo) makes it a lot easier. So far, the toughest part has been the wait, and that's only going to get harder...

Our next step is to compete a profile for potential birth mothers to view. It's essentially a brochure about the wife and I. The woman running our class had a couple of examples with her (one couple used shutterfly and actually produced a hard cover book. the others were all just on nice paper with color photos and whatnot), and that helped a lot. You guys all know I'm a great talker, I'm just not very good at talking about myself, so this could prove to be a little challenging. Also, finding the perfect 10-15 pictures that really sum up the wife and I might prove to be a little difficult. So at this point, we'll start doing drafts, which will then be ok'd by our social worker and then we'll be "put into circulation" as they say...

post script:
btw, did you notice (which is just did) that i kept referring to future baby as he/him? do you think i want a boy? :)